Sestina

Ever since you have gone

and joined the army, you feel so far away,

so distant, and even though I love

our letters to one another, they don’t replace

our talks, those long walks; do you remember,

when we’d laugh till our cheeks were stained with tears?

I try to get rid of my sad thoughts and replace

them with  memories; like those afternoons away

at the lake when you taught me how to fish, and I loved

to catch them but made you throw them back. I didn’t want to tear

one fish away from her family. We’d be gone

all day and come back with no fish, but you didn’t mind. I remember

all those times I took for granted: now you’re away

and I’d give anything to get back those moments and replace

some of my harsh words for words of love,

but those moments are gone

and I’ll always just have to remember

the times I hurt you, every tear.

I hate it that you’re gone.

You told me to look up at the moon and remember

that even though we are far away

we’ll both see it every night; it doesn’t replace

anything. You said it’d make us feel close, and I’d love

to feel it but it’s hard to see the moon when my eyes are filled tears.

But I’m so proud of you. Proud that you’ve gone

to do great things, that you honor and love

your country enough to tear

yourself from the familiar life you remember

to go to such a scary place.

I’m so proud but the fear doesn’t go away.

I know I told you I would wait for you, and I remember

my promise but I never realized the war was so far away place.

I could miss you and cry every day waiting, but my tears

would be wasted. My world if filled people who are not gone

for four years, and filled with people to meet and people to love.

My life can’t be put on hold while you are away.

The war may have torn us apart, taken you away,

but whatever place you chose to go, always remember

that my love may feel lost but it will never be gone.